So, where did I leave off? Okay, the site has been up and down for the last few days due to hackers. Hope they die in a Turkish prison. Britney's gone totally nuts, breaking car windows with an umbrella. (See
my predictions from earlier this week, things are heating up.) Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead and so is Anna Nichole Smith. (One of those is an obscure SNL reference...)
And the
GayVN Awards are Saturday!
The GayVN Summit starts today and everybody in the porn business is in town. I had dinner with the guys from Banana Guide last night, went to the Open House at
Raging Stallion today, met Thom from
Smut Junkies, and ran into COLT man
Skye Woods shopping at Burlington Coat Factory. (Should have measured his inseam for him...)
I also did my voting for GayVN Awards today at the last minute. I really enjoyed watching the movies this year. I looked at so many, and I'm going to give you a brief run down of the last batch I watched.
The Best Sex Comedy category is a tough one. It's almost impossible to make porn funny, but a lot of people try. Retardo was absolutely in pain watching "
Fucking With the Stars" from
All Worlds. I thought it was cute and silly, and better than most attempts at comedy, and each model was super hot. Retardo left before I showed "
BeTwinked" from PZP. Good thing - he would have never survived this gay porn version of "Bewitched". I, however, loved it
because of it's awfulness! To keep my own sanity, I think of it as a bad comedy with good porn in it. Cute young guys, especially the big dicked Latino, but certain scenes got ruined by bad audio, and I won't even talk about the campy special effects. There is even a 350 pound Paul Lynde character. "Uncle Albert, um, you've gainded a little weight." "Yes, Sammy, I ATE Kirstie Ally!"
With DVD technology, ANY movie with dialogue should offer an all-sex version in the Extras. I can't believe customers with their dick in their hand will watch the comedy parts a second time.
"
The Show" from Dark Alley Media also copies a TV show formula, but instead of a game show or sit com, it used the reality elimination show format, i.e. "Project Runway", "Top Chef", "Survivor', etc. They don't lampoon the format, they do it for real, except that they don't give away a house to the winner. They put the contestants through the same tacky elimination rounds as "The Bachelor" except they do fetish fashion show, and compete for best top and best bottom. The movie started out very strong, with editing and the "feel" of a network TV show. But again, audio problems made it unwatchable later on. But the newly beefed-up Owen Hawk is enough to mesmerize me, sound or no sound. Made in conjuction with black-niched Pitbull Productions, there is a lot of inches of black dick in this movie, and some of it gets hard, too.
Back to comedies, "
2nd Inning 2" from Electro Video was probably a good idea when it was pitched, but it just went way too over the top. Eddie Stone wrote and starred in it, and all I can say is I hope to see him in a better vehicle. He seems to have a natural ability for acting and comedy, but it didn't work in this project. I didn't understand what the pimp outfit was for, but I loved the handlebar moustache! Take note that the orgy scene takes place in a school bus - the "short bus", of course...
Titan's "
Closed Set" was not what I expected. It seemed more like a quickie release made out of audition material, but I got to see a lot of local guys that I never expected to see in porn. The most outstanding part of this movie is the revelation from Cole Ryan, that up to that day, he was a VIRGIN! Never had sex with a man - or a woman! Classic moment in porn history right there.
"
Bear Voyage 2" from Bear Films was up next. I'm glad to see that they actually got plenty of footage out on the deck of the ship. Bear Films sponsored the cruise, but there were hundreds of tourists on the boat that had no idea there was a porn shoot going on. Watching the Behind The Scenes, it looked like a fun movie to shoot.
Gotta give Collin O'Neal credit for going to such lengths to make "
Lebanon". I'm sure it was tough to coodinate a gay porn shoot in a war torn country, but if you're going to go that far, I would have liked to seen more scenery. The scenes in abandoned building and or the rocky ravine could have been in shot in Nevada. I was envious of his three way scene with Francois Sagat and foreign discovery Jacko. Incredible scene!
Buckshot's "
Quenched", however, did take full advantage of sweeping vistas and gorgeous scenery in their travelogue offering. Guys had sex in the lake, on the rocks, and in a speedboat with water and mountains in every shot.
Don't feel bad if I didn't write a tidbit about your movie this time. I'm sure I
loved it, and I love you, too. Kiss, kiss. Let's do lunch.